Life Update

I haven't been on in a month and I know that when I started this blog I said I would try to update more, apparently I am slacking in that department, but hopefully I will have more things to post about soon. But as for what has been going on in my life, here is the Cliff Notes version:

• It doesn't appear that I will be going to a doctoral program next year. Although I was second choice for my top school, the first choice accepted. Although I am obviously disappointed, after now two weeks of knowing that this is my "fate," so to speak the more I realize it is what God planned for me, and that the fact that I didn't get in this year, it is not the end of the world.
• I passed my thesis defense! Which means that officially on May 10th I will have my master's degree.
• Spence and I have found an apartment we want to move into. I am waiting on an "offer letter" from my practicum site because they have offered me a position for the summer. I need to prove I will be making income, more so than my current TA income. But until that happens, we can't fill out the application and submit it.
• Working out has been going great! I have been sick this past week so it hasn't been as "up to par" as I would like, but I am feeling a lot better than I was in December/January.
• Lauren's wedding is about a month away! I got my dress hemmed and the shoes came in. Getting excited to celebrate one of my best friend's big day!

Hopefully I will have more to tell y'all soon. Sorry I have been so absent.

Making your wedding an "Event" on Facebook & Tips to cut down on your wedding cost

So today one of my Facebook friends created an event for her and her fiance's wedding. I have only seen this done one other time, by a couple that got engaged in high school. Personally, I think this is immature and slightly tacky, but then again, weddings are the one thing I am super traditional about. Initially upon seeing this "event" I posted on twitter "In my opinion if you create a Facebook event for your wedding you are too immature to get married." My account is protected, but apparently I still offended at least one follower of mine. I know my opinion seems harsh, and the girl who responded to me said she was doing it to save money, which made me feel bad for making the generalization that everyone who creates a Facebook event for their wedding is immature. However, although social media is very abundant now and I am sure many people send out invites through Facebook, I personally think there is some things about a wedding that should be less "up with the times" and more "traditional." Invitations are one of these things. I personally would be offended if I was invited to a wedding and the only invite I got was through Facebook. I feel that it is very impersonal. Also, wedding invitations are something you can keep as a keepsake of the wedding, whether it be your own wedding or as a guest of a wedding. I know my parents, after 29 years of marriage, still have their invitation saved. Lastly, there are many other ways to cut corners and hold a cheap wedding without sacrificing more of the "expected" things, for lack of a better term.

I am an engaged woman who personally believes that the ceremony, honeymoon, and marriage is for the bride and groom, and the reception is for the guests. Although the bride and groom (and their families) spend a lot of time and money on the wedding, so do their guests. So instead of leaving this post sounding like I am bashing people and looking down upon them, I wanted to offer some tips and tricks that I have come across, through working weddings for 4 years, being a bride-to-be, and Pinterest, to save money on your wedding. And what areas you should not cut corners on, to make both the bride & groom, as well as their guests, and wallets happy.

Guest List - the easiest way to cut costs is cut the guest list. As a bride there is always a fear of not wanting to offend people by not inviting them, but at the same time, brides have to realize they are not going to make everyone happy and people will have to get over it. If you limit it to immediate family and close friends and/or get your list down to 100 invites, it will cut your budget a ton. I say invites because most likely less people will come. You don't want to make the mistake of budgeting for 100 people, inviting 125 and 120 show up.

Day - Wedding and ceremony venues are more expensive in the summer months and on Saturdays. Have a Friday or Sunday wedding sometime in the fall or winter (just not around Christmas or New Years because many people like to get married those weekends too). It is amazing looking at the price difference between a Friday wedding in October and a Saturday wedding in June.

Time of Day - Although most venues make you block a certain number of hours and the price doesn't necessarily change depending on the hours you book, the time of your wedding can reduce your cost in other ways. If you have an evening ceremony and a evening reception, guests are going to expect dinner and most likely alcohol. A full dinner is so much more expensive than heavy hor' devours, but not having enough food for the guests to eat is also not a good idea (I will talk about it later). Getting married in the late morning and having a lunch served is cheaper than dinner. However, the most cost effective would be having an early afternoon wedding (e.g. 1pm) and a reception from 2-5. You can provide your guests will light snacks and wedding cake to tie them over before dinner. Also, there is no need for alcohol at this time.

Food & Drink - I already slightly touched on this but the simplest way to cut cost is to not have alcohol. However, this is also an area you do not want to cut corners on. Yes, food for 100 people or so is very expensive, but trust me, hungry guests = unhappy guests, and you do not want unhappy people ruining your special day. Chicken is the cheapest meat to order and it can be prepared in so many ways, so if you want a full meal select chicken for price effectiveness, but also because most of your guests (besides pescetarians, vegetarians, and vegans) will enjoy it. Buffets are not necessarily cheaper than served meals; however, some benefits to having a buffet over a served meal is that guests can pick and choose what they want to eat, go back for seconds, and eat until they are satisfied. You can not do that with served meals, necessarily. Another tip, do not order your food a la carte if your caterer has that option. Although it is cheaper on the forefront, the chefs will only make what you order, which means when it is gone, it is gone. If you have 100 guests and order 100 of everything (say chicken tenders, mini quiche, cookies, etc.) you are assuming that each person is only going to take one of each, which is not the case. Many places will say when you are through you are through, which once again leads to unhappy guests and no chance that the bride and groom and possibly even the bridal party will eat. Other places may prepare you more food, but that cost will be added on at the end after the fact, and in total you may have spent more than you would have ordering for a certain number of people rather than a la carte.

Venue - This should be a no brainer, but find a venue that is inexpensive. At least in the south, many families who own farms have started renting out space for brides who want to have an outdoor wedding. If you have a family member or friend that will let you use their backyard that is always a great idea too. Remember, you are not only looking and paying for a reception venue, but also a ceremony venue. Shop around to find the best prices. Having your wedding on an "off day" will also tie into this too.

Photography - This is another area you do not want to cut corners on, but there are many ways you can cut down on the cost. Having a Friday or Sunday wedding is one way for some. Only having the photographer for a few hours rather than the whole day is another. Also, finding an amateur photographer (that does good work of course) will cut your cost significantly. Do not forfeit quality for price though. If you go with someone who is new, make sure they show you their portfolio before you make any decisions.

Flowers - If you have your heart set on using real flowers, buy them from Costco or a big supermarket like BiLo and make your own bouquet. Flower shops significantly increase their flower prices and if you do not mind putting some time in with your mother and bridesmaids, you can make beautiful bouquets for significantly less than the flower shops would have charged. If you are not set on having real flowers that you are going to toss after the wedding, artificial flowers are always another option!

Centerpieces - First, going off the flower segment, use your bridal bouquet as well as those belonging to the bridesmaids as centerpieces. Say you have 5 bridesmaids, leave 6 tables empty with a vase in the center and when the wedding party (and you) walk in, have them place their bouquet in one of the empty vases. You get double the use and do not have to think of centerpieces for those tables. The obvious thing for cutting down costs on centerpieces is DIY. Candles and mirrors are a great way to dress up a dull table. Pictures of the bride and group in cheap frames are another inexpensive way to decorate tables. You do not have to have flower arrangements that stand 4 feet tall and cost 100s of dollars, as long as you don't mind doing some work and being creative.

The Dress - Every bride wants her dream dress but spending thousands of dollars on a dress you are going to wear once is not cost effective. David's Bridal has amazing sales and always has deals going on, so you can get a dress for a couple hundred dollars or less. Department stores also have a small selection of wedding dresses, as well as white/offwhite prom dresses that would be inexpensive. Going to secondhand stores and online previously owned dresses are always an option as well.

The Wedding Party - The bigger the wedding party, the more money you will spend. Brides, just think of the cost of paying for hair and makeup for your bridal party if you have 10 bridesmaids. The bride and groom also buy the wedding party gifts which adds up quickly. Minimizing the size of your wedding party, although not cutting a significant amount of money, will help.

Cake - If you are not set on having a gorgeously decorated cake, having cupcakes significantly reduces the cost and in the end less food is wasted because you can order the exact amount you want. Going to a grocery store and getting a wedding cake their, rather than a specialty bakery will also cut costs. Another way is to buy a small wedding cake for you and your groom to cut and buy a sheet cake to keep in the kitchen. Sheet cakes are much cheaper than buying a huge wedding cake to feed all your guests. I have worked many weddings where only the top tier of the cake was real and the rest was decorated Styrofoam, with a sheet cake to feed the guests in the kitchen. Also, beware. If you tell whoever is making your cake that you have 100 guests they will tell you what size you need and usually it will be way too much. I have never worked a wedding in which there was not boxes of cake left over. If you are planning for 100 guests, get a cake that feeds about 75. You will have enough.

Invitations - The reason I started this discussion right? If you are looking to save money, skip the "Save the Dates." Although nice for your guests to have, they are definitely not necessary. Or you can send out an online Save the Date to save money. As for invitations, obviously if you read the beginning of this post I am all for invitations. However, you do not need to break the bank. There are plenty of online stores that are much cheaper and hold deals than a local boutique. David's Bridal also does invitations and are always having deals. One things many brides forget to take into consideration is cost of shipping as well as pre-stamping the return envelopes. One thing you can do now is go out and buy Forever Stamps at their current price to avoid stamp prices going up when you get married. Obviously you can send out email invitations to save money, but if you have guests that are like my grandmother, some people do not use the internet. I knew one girl who sent out regular invitations to everyone, but to save on costs, she told the "tech-savvy" individuals to respond by email and enclosed a return envelope and card to the older, more traditional generations. This cut her cost, but everyone also got the formal invitation.

Additionally, there is always the option of having a small, courthouse wedding now and renewing your vows and having a big wedding later. Like I said at the beginning of the post, the ceremony and the marriage is for the couple and the wedding reception is for the guests. If you do not have the money right now to have a wedding, but want to get married, don't have a wedding & get married. Many people think their family will be disappointed, but they will eventually understand. There is nothing wrong with starting your life as a married couple and waiting until fiances are more available to have an actual wedding.

I hope these tips helped any bride looking to cut her cost. Feel free to comment with any questions. Also, I am sorry if I offended anyone with my "Facebook Event" opinion. I understand people have different views than me, and I accept that. So I hope if you do not agree with me, you can at least accept that my opinion differs from yours.

Fat Shredder Treadmill Workout

So I know I haven't updated in a while but this is a new workout I have started this week. I am one that prefers to run outside to get a variety of scenery but the weather doesn't always allow me to do that. I also am one that gets bored on treadmills unless I mix it up. I came up with this workout earlier this week and thought I would share. You can definitely feel the burn in your legs as well as will sweat like crazy.

A 130 lb individual will burn about 400 calories in the 35 minutes at using this speed and incline pattern. Obviously depending on your weight you will burn more or less. Additionally I like this workout because you can follow the same incline pattern but put it on a lesser speed if you are a beginner or a higher speed if you are more advanced. For example an individual who is trying to work up to a 10 minute mile could follow this speed pattern: 3.5, 5.5, 5.6, 5.7, 4.2, 4.5, 5.5, 5.6, 5.7, 5.8, 5.9, 6.0, & 3.5.

I promise you will feel the burn and feel very accomplished after this workout. I love it and will continue to do it in my treadmill workouts and work up to higher speeds and in the future greater inclines!

Cyber Bullying

A topic that I hate but am so passionate about. The internet is great for so many things, yet it is a curse at the same time. We have free range of access of information, the information is provided right at our fingertips, we can meet people online we otherwise would have never known...the lists of benefits goes on and on. However, there are so many downfalls to the internet* and social media one of the huge issues being cyber bullying. Bullying is something people usually associate with elementary school, the playground, or pushing and teasing. But the truth of the matter is, bullying has gotten worse and worse over the years, resulting in the suicides of too many young lives. It is not just happening at schools on the playground, it happens at home, on the street, over texts, over emails, and over social media. Social media and the internet have allowed people to hide behind a computer screen and say some of the most disgusting and degrading things to individuals, some who they never have even met.

My first question to anyone who has cyber bullied is "Would you ever say that to the person's face?" Most likely the answer is no. People find comfort in hiding behind a grey face or fake username, just to tear people down. Secondly, have you never heard the expression "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all?" Why are derogatory and horrific comments needed? What is the purpose of telling someone "Go kill yourself!" or "You are worthless, I hope you die."? Are you really living such a sad and pathetic life that you need to seek enjoyment out of tearing others down? Third, do you know everything that the person is going through? No. Do you know why they behave the way they do? Most likely not. Then why in the world is your negative opinion needed? I can tell you something, it is not.

I wish that with all the media attention that cyberbullying and suicide has received in recent years it would decrease the rates that cyberbullying is occurring, but unfortunately it is not. I have seen grown adults in their late 20s and 30s post some of the most horrific things on social media calling individuals "deadbeat whores" or saying things like "I hope you overdose on drugs and die." You would think by adulthood individuals would be able to understand right from wrong. Your frontal lobe develops by age 25, this is the part of the brain that is involved in decision making and executive functions. You would hope that individuals over age 25 would realize that cyberbullying someone online is not a smart decision, but apparently many don't.

I have also heard people claim that when individuals complete suicide because they were cyberbullied it is because they are "too sensitive" or need to "toughen up." How would you feel if every day you logged online and had numerous messages taking about how you should kill yourself, nobody loves you, the world would be better off without you? Even for the strongest person after a while it would take a toll on them. These same people then claim that these individuals should just "log off." I think what these critics fail to realize is that social media, especially in the younger generations, has become a staple. It is how everyone communicates. If you get harassing text messages every day are you going to just not use your cell phone? No, because it is one of the main forms of communication. Times have changed and so has bullying, but laws against bullying and action towards stopping it need to keep up with the times.

So even if nobody reads this post, I know it is out there. If you are thinking about cyberbullying someone, I challenge you to take a step back and evaluate your life. Why do you feel the need to send a hateful message to someone online or through text? What good is going to come from sending this message? Is sending this message really going to make you feel better? If it is, you need to evaluate what is lacking in your life and creating that void in your heart that can only be filled by hatred towards another person. If you are being cyberbullied, tell someone. IP addresses can be tracked. People can be found. Suicide or self harm is not the answer. And never believe what they say. And to anyone else, feel free to spread awareness about cyberbullying. It is a step that needs to be taken if anything is ever going to get better.

*(Side note: if you want to read a great book on the internet and its shortcomings despite all the wonderful advances it has provided us, check out "The Shallows" by Nicholas Carr.)

No Makeup Monday

I started wearing makeup at age 13. Makeup always made me feel prettier and it was always fun to try new techniques. I went to an all girl's high school where I rarely wore makeup because I didn't find it necessary and I would have sports after school all 3 seasons anyways. As I got into college and grad school, I found myself spending more time wearing makeup whether it was to go to class, go to work, or go out on a Friday night. Truth be told though, I would rather not wear makeup. I would rather save the time in the morning and as someone who is prone to acne, even at age 23, I would rather let me skin breathe.

However, when I do not wear makeup I usually look tired. I can't tell you how many times people ask me what is wrong or if I am okay, simply because I am not wearing makeup. My eyelashes are really light and my complexion is horrible because of acne scars. But I am at the point that I am not self-conscious anymore about not wearing makeup.

There are certain occasions where I always definitely wear makeup. Going to work, meeting with clients, when I have an interview or a presentation. But at this point, it is to look more together and awake rather than making myself feel confident. I feel like so many women and girls only feel pretty when they wear makeup. They can hide the imperfections in their skin, make their eyes look bigger, their cheekbones more defined. So I am starting what I like to call "No Makeup Monday". I am going to try to not wear makeup on Mondays for as long as I can. I understand if I have an interview on a Monday or have to meet with a client I will probably end up wearing makeup to look more "put together" but if I have no "real" reason to wear makeup I won't.

For at least one day a week, I will let my pores not get clogged with makeup. I will save time in the morning when I get ready. I will wear my bare face confidently. I am honestly doing this to save time and let my skin have a break from all the cosmetics, but then I decided I would post about it and see if other girls and women want to join in. I feel if done right, this can help women who are self conscious without makeup gain some of their confidence back. I do not know how long I will do this for, I will try to do it all year, maybe longer but I challenge you, if you always hide behind makeup, to do this until you start feeling confident in yourself and realize how beautiful you are without makeup on!

Random Acts of Kindness

I got this message this evening on Tumblr: "Do something random. Take a picture of yourself right now. Don't go put on makeup, do your hair, or anything. Just take the picture and I hope you see how beautiful you are."

So I did :

I am always one that criticizes myself, over analyzes every little flaw, sees the imperfections in myself rather than what I like. But this was just another reminder that I shouldn't do that. I should love myself for who I am. Realize that I don't have to wear makeup when I go out to cover up my acne. Realize it is okay that I have gained some weight over these past 6 months. It is people like this anonymous person on Tumblr that sent me this message that honestly make the world a better place.

So I challenge you, to take a picture of yourself. No makeup. No hair done up. No clothes that make you look "skinnier". No angles that make you look "better". Because you are perfect the way you are.

4 years with my love

Thursday the 17th of January was Spence and my 4 year anniversary. This year was the first year we did not spend it together, but he came up this weekend to celebrate. Saturday we went out to dinner in Waynesville, NC to The Chef's Table. We have been there once before after we got engaged and the food is simply amazing! Not only is the food some of the best I have ever had, they have a huge selection of beer and wine. We ended up getting a bottle of red wine, which we never do, but we felt like being "fancy" because it is a special occasion.We then went back to my apartment and watched the movie "Ted" which neither of us had seen but it was hilarious. Horrible humor but definitely a good watch. Sunday we literally just had a lazy day watching movies all day and cooked breakfast and dinner together. So simple, but it was so perfect for the two of us!

On one hand I can't believe Spence and I have been together for 4 years. On the other hand it feels like so much longer. It is amazing how much we have grown up since we started dating, and how much we have grown together. When we first started dating I never thought I would fall so in love with him, to the point that he is the only person that knows everything about me. He is my best friend, my better half, and just being with him makes me a better person. He is the first person I talk to when I wake up. The last person I talk to before I go to sleep. He is the first person I call when something is wrong. The first person I call when I have good news. It is amazing how two so imperfect individuals can be so absolutely perfect for one another.